


Sacrifice

by assholemurphy



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Murphy has self worth issues, Spacewalker Rewrite, a bit OOC, almost smut at one point, not very descriptive descriptions of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-13 13:29:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7978423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/assholemurphy/pseuds/assholemurphy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A rewrite of Spacewalker where Murphy considers Raven's idea of trading him instead of Finn. Finn won't allow it and they argue but that's not really how they want to spend their last night together, so Murphy drops it but he hatches a plan to do what he believes is the best idea anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> A Nonnie on tumblr gave me a prompt and this is the result. I've been wanting to write Furphy angst for a while and I finally did it. I think I prefer them being all naive and puppy-love-ish tbh.

Murphy leaned against the wall straining to hear what was being said on the first floor of the dropship. Were they voting on whether or not to trade his life for Finn's? No, probably not. Finn wouldn't let them. Finn cared to much about him that's why he'd broken up the fight between him and Raven before it could even begin. Finn would protect him.

Still, though, Murphy couldn't deny she had a point. Why not trade him for Finn? Why not let him go in Finn's place? Let him take the blame and punishment and die so Finn could live and why shouldn't he?

It wasn't a half bad idea. It would work. The Grounders didn't know it wasn't him that pulled the trigger and he could lie easily enough to make them believe it. Murphy could go in Finn's place and Finn would live. Finn would be safe and he could continue with his peace talks and he could keep trying to help camp, which Murphy never did. It made sense, Finn was a better person than him, Finn cared about people, all their people, and the only person Murphy cared about was Finn.

He had hated the thought when Raven suggested it, but he had to admit, she had a point. They could send him in Finn's place, Finn would live and Murphy would die and that would be okay because Finn would _live._

Murphy was surprised at how easy it was for him to consider it, how little he fought against it. He'd fought tooth and nail against the earth since he'd first touched down just trying to stay alive. Was he really willing to just go off to die just so Finn wouldn't? It should have shocked him how willing he was, how the answer he received was a screaming ' _Yes._ '

Yes, he would die for Finn.

It was probably some sick combination of self hatred and low self worth paired with the fact that he was absolutely head over heels for the boy in question. He'd loved Finn since they'd touched down and he'd been with him almost as long and he couldn't bear to think of a world without him. He didn't want that. He wanted Finn to live, Finn deserved to live, and Murphy, well, Murphy just didn't. At least, he didn't believe he did. Finn would probably have different opinions, but it didn't matter.

Raven was right. His life for Finn's seemed like a fair trade to him.

By the time he heard Finn climbing up the ladder, he'd made peace with it. Finn was a better person than him, Finn could help people, he still had a chance to make his peace talks work. Murphy wasn't as good, Murphy was terrible, really, especially in comparison to Finn. Murphy couldn't help camp as much, either. It was logical, it made sense, now all he had to do was convince Finn it was for the best.

He waited until Finn was on the level, opening his mouth to say something, probably an apology or some reassurance that Murphy was safe and they weren't trading his life for Finn's, but Murphy cut him off before he got the chance to get it out. “I'll do it.”

“Do what?” Finn asked, stepping away from the ladder and towards Murphy. He could probably guess what Murphy meant but he wanted to pretend he wasn't really going to offer that. He'd never accept it, Murphy should know that.

“I'll go,” Murphy told him. He'd do it for Finn, he'd take his place. Why not? Murphy wasn't worth half as much as Finn was and he knew it. That, and he couldn't even begin to imagine his life without Finn in it. “I'll go to them in your place.”

“No,” Finn's voice was firm. There was no way he would allow that. “No, absolutely not. If you think for a second I'll let you-”

“You don't have to let me. We can take a vote.” There was no way anyone would vote against it. Well, maybe Bellamy, but that was only because he was too noble to see that it was the logical solution. But Murphy could convince him of that easily enough, Bellamy had been alright with him dying in the past, all he'd have to do was remind him of why.

Finn shook his head, “That's not happening.” No, Murphy wasn't going to sacrifice himself for Finn, he wouldn't allow it. Murphy may think he was doing the right thing but he wasn't. It was Finn's punishment, not Murphy's. He deserved to take it.

“It makes sense, Finn!” Murphy shouted, shoving himself off the wall and coming to stand in front of Finn, hoping he could get him to understand that it was okay. Murphy was okay with it. He wanted it. He'd take Finn's place, it was the least he could do for him after all he'd given him since they'd gotten together. Without Finn, Murphy wasn't sure he could survive. Before Finn he was broken and scared and he lashed out at everyone but Finn helped him get past his fears, Finn gave him more than Murphy could ever repay.

“How?” Finn demanded, “How does you sacrificing yourself for me make sense? You didn't kill those people, Murphy, that was me.” Murphy had been blamed enough for things he hadn't done, Finn wasn't about to let him take the blame for this, too.

Murphy grit his teeth, hating how stubborn Finn was being about this. Couldn't he see it was for the best? He could take Finn's place, Raven was right, it was so easy, all Finn had to do was let him. All he had to do was understand that his life mattered more, to everyone, including Murphy. “Because you're better than me! Because you can still help people! Because you're you and I'm me and no one will miss me.”

“I'll miss you!” Finn didn't understand why Murphy was so hellbent on this. It was completely out of character. Murphy was a fighter, a survivor, he shouldn't be offering to take Finn's place, he should be saying screw camp and trying to convince Finn to run, not that he ever would. But maybe Murphy knew that and he figured his only option was to take Finn's place. The thought broke Finn's heart. The fact that Murphy didn't value his life as even equal to Finn's hurt. Didn't he realize that Finn would never allow him to take his place because he loved him? He couldn't just let Murphy die, especially not for his sake. He'd made a mistake and now he had to face the consequences. There was no other option. Murphy wasn't taking his place, that just wasn't happening.

“And you think I won't miss you?” Finn was the only person he had, but Finn had Raven and Clarke to think about, too. If Murphy died, Finn would morn him but he'd move on eventually and be fine, but if Finn died, Murphy would never get over it. Finn was his world and he couldn't have that taken from him. He'd rather die. “Finn, please, just let me do this.”

“Hell, no!” Finn swore. He wasn't going to give in, he wasn't going to let Murphy die for him. That wasn't what you did when you loved someone, and Finn loved Murphy, far too much to even consider what he was offering.

“Finn-”

“Why's it so important you do this?” Why didn't Murphy just drop it? Why was he so hellbent on fighting with Finn?

Murphy was quiet for a second, trying to think of an answer. Because Finn was his everything, because Finn mattered more, because without Finn Murphy was nothing and Finn without Murphy was just fine. Because he couldn't bear the thought of losing Finn tomorrow. He couldn't stand it. “Because I love you, okay?” Murphy hadn't ever said it out loud before, but he did. He loved Finn and couldn't bear to lose him.

Finn stared at him for a moment, a little stunned that Murphy had actually said it, before shaking his head, his voice softer when he said, “I love you, too, which is exactly why I refuse to let you do this.”

Murphy was at the point of begging now, he needed Finn to live, he needed him to be safe. “Finn, please, it makes sense-”

“Murphy, no. No, it's not happening.” That was all there was to it. Murphy wasn't going to sacrifice himself for Finn, he wouldn't allow it.

“Then what is?” Murphy spat, “Do you have a better solution?”

“Yeah, I do. I'm going to take my punishment tomorrow and that's the end of it.” He would die, Murphy would morn then move on and maybe end up with Bellamy or someone. He wasn't the only one capable of loving Murphy, he just wished Murphy could see that.

“No-”

“The end of it, Murphy. Please don't make this any harder.” He didn't want to fight. He didn't want to keep having to hear how little Murphy valued his life. It hurt knowing that Murphy didn't care nearly as much about himself as he did Finn when Finn valued Murphy above anyone else. How could he be so quick to offer to throw his life away for something he hadn't even done?

Murphy swallowed, tears stinging the backs of his eyes. He didn't want Finn to die, he couldn't just give up on it like that. He'd take his place all Finn had to do was let him, didn't he understand why Murphy was doing this? “I don't want you to die.”

“And I don't want you to die for me.” Finn told him, reaching out and taking Murphy's face in his hand, “It wasn't your fault, it's not your punishment. You'll be fine without me, alright? You can't die for me, that's not how this works.”

Murphy leaned into the touch, feeling a tear make it's way down his cheek. He hated crying, hated how weak and helpless it made him feel, but he was weak and helpless. If Finn wouldn't let him save him what could he do? He wouldn't be just fine without Finn, he needed Finn, he couldn't lose him and then just move on, he was the first person Murphy had loved since his mother, and he'd been the one to show Murphy that it was okay to love someone, that not everyone was going to hurt him, but Finn dying would hurt him. Murphy doubted he'd ever recover from it. “But I won't, just let me do this for you. Please.”

“No,” Finn shook his head, pulling his hand away. No, he refused to allow Murphy to take his place and that was the end of it. There was no way he was going to let Murphy die in his stead.

“Think about the people who care about you!” It was a pathetic attempt and Murphy was sure Finn hadn't done anything but think of them since the Grounders had demanded his life, but he was desperate and grasping at anything that might change Finn's mind.

“I don't care, Murphy. I did this, I deserve the punishment. I'm not letting you take my place. Just drop it because it's not happening,” Finn said, hating how much his death was going to hurt the people closest to him, Murphy included. Murphy would probably fall apart but Finn would talk to Bellamy when he got the chance before he turned himself over tomorrow so he could ensure that Murphy would be taken care of. Bellamy would make sure he was alright, Finn was sure he would, and he couldn't think of anyone better suited to care for Murphy after he was gone.

“But Finn-”

“Drop it, Murphy,” Finn told him, tired of arguing about it. He didn't have much time left and he really didn't want to spend it fighting with Murphy, that's not what he wanted Murphy's last memories of him to entail. “I don't want to waste time arguing with you.”

Murphy let out a defeated sigh but he nodded, giving in and dropping it. He wouldn't argue anymore, it wasn't getting him anywhere anyway. Still, he was determined to make sure that Finn wasn't the one that died tomorrow. He couldn't stand it if that were to happen, but he kept silent about it, letting Finn believe he's won. Finn was right, there wasn't a lot of time left and arguing over who was going to die wasn't what they should be doing with it. “Then what do you want to do?”

“I want to be with you,” Finn said, reaching up to pull Murphy down towards him.

Murphy allowed Finn to pull him into a kiss. It was bittersweet and sad because it was one of the very few they had left. Murphy let Finn deepen it, letting Finn have all the control, pulling him close and wrapping his arms around him wanting to be near him because soon it would be over and they wouldn't have each other anymore. They were both terrified of what was to come, by this time tomorrow one of them would be dead and they were both hell bent on it not being the other.

Finn broke the kiss and pulled away from Murphy, saying, “Come back to camp with me.”

Murphy nodded, understanding what was implied. There was nothing he'd rather spend their last night doing than being close to Finn, being tangled up in him. It would be the last time and Murphy didn't want to waste a second of it so he took Finn's hand and pulled him towards the ladder, heading down it and out of the dropship and into the chilly night air.

He let Finn take his hand as they walked in silence back towards camp, neither one of them knowing what to say and both too aware of the Grounder army that surrounded them. Part of Murphy wanted to argue again, just to break the heavy silence but he didn't, he didn't want to be remembered like that, petty and angry. He wasn't going to fight with Finn, he would just take matters into his own hands and make sure Finn was safe. No, he wouldn't argue. They only had a few hours at most and he planned to make the best of them.

As soon as they were in the tent Murphy was pulling Finn close and pressing against him, kissing him like there was no tomorrow, and for one of them, there wasn't. This would be the last night they shared together, the last time he got to hold Finn or be close to him. He trailed kisses along Finn's jaw and down to his neck, sucking a mark there, a small and temporary reminder for Finn when he was gone, because Murphy had no intention of letting Finn be the one to die tomorrow.

They broke apart, their hands on each other, stripping each other's clothes off and then pressing against each other once more, desperate to spend every second they had left as close together as possible.

Murphy let Finn guide him down onto the bed of furs, reaching for the bottle of oil next to it and setting it near him. He leaned down, capturing Murphy in another kiss and Murphy felt like he was drowning in it. It felt like their first kiss and every one after that and he couldn't believe how few they had left. He tangled a hand in Finn's hair and opened his mouth, letting Finn explore it. The kiss lasted forever, Finn memorizing every detail of it. His hands wandered over Murphy's body, touching him, knowing it would be for the last time but he shoved the thought aside. He didn't want to be sad, he just wanted to spend his last moments loving Murphy and not thinking of what awaited him come morning.

“I love you,” Murphy breathed out when the kiss broke. He hadn't said it before and now he felt he needed to say it as many times as possible so Finn knew, so he would remember.

“I love you, too,” It was quiet and Finn said it like he had never been surer of anything and Murphy couldn't help but pull him back down into a quick kiss that ended when Finn began to trail kisses down Murphy's neck.

Murphy moved against him, grinding his hips up into Finn's and reveling in the quiet noises he got from him. Finn trailed a hand down Murphy's side, making him shiver as Finn pressed kisses across Murphy's shoulders, “I love you,” He whispered against Murphy's skin. “I love you. Never forget that.”

Murphy wouldn't. He could never forget what they had, what Finn had given him. “I love you, too.”

For a second, Murphy wished, not for the first time, that there was some way to stop this or go back in time and stop it from happening in the first place. He wished he could stay with Finn forever and let the Grounders burn the entire camp, what did he care? He had Finn, that was all he needed, but Finn felt different, and there was only one way to stop him from giving himself up to the Grounders tomorrow. Wishing wouldn't help anything, there wasn't time for hopeless dreams, there wasn't much time left for anything at all.

Murphy kissed Finn like it was the last time and he let Finn go as slow as he wanted, memorizing everything, how it felt to be with Murphy, because this was the last time. This was the last time and Murphy wished it could go on forever.

 

-

 

Murphy woke early, Finn still asleep beside him, tangled up in Murphy and the furs, his hair splayed wildly around him. Murphy reached out and brushed a strand of hair out of his face and smiled down at him. He knew he was doing the right thing. Finn was better than he was. Finn deserved life. Finn would help people and do good things. He didn't need to die today.

Murphy leaned over and pressed one last, gentle kiss to Finn's lips and pulled away, carefully untangling himself from Finn and standing up. He kept silent as he dressed, not wanting to risk waking Finn. He would be angry and hurt when he found out what Murphy had done, he may even try to go after him, but Murphy would have too great of a head start for it to matter. He was determined not to let Finn die today, even though it was going to cost his own life. In Murphy's eyes, it was a fair trade.

He left the tent to seek out the one person he trusted not try to stop him, he was counting on her helping him keep Finn safe in his absence. When he noticed Murphy was gone his first instinct would be to go after him and Murphy wouldn't be able to keep him in camp without someone's help.

He found Raven in her workshop, fiddling with some metal contraption he couldn't even begin to explain the purpose of. He coughed quietly, getting her to look up at him and the glare he received was lethal.

“What the hell do you want?” She demanded, rising to her feet and covering the space between them. She was angry with him, and rightly so, but Murphy ignored it and pushed on.

“I need you to keep him safe for me, don't let him come after me,” He told her, ignoring the way her hand twitched towards the wrench lying on the table.

“Don't let who come after you? If you think I'm going to help you with anything-”

“Don't help me, then. Help Finn. Keep him here, don't let him try to come after me. You were right, they'll never know I wasn't the shooter. They'll believe it was me.”

“You're turning yourself over to them in Finn's place.” Raven's anger faded but her suspicion remained. “Why?”

“Because he's better than me.” Because he deserved to live, he could make his life matter, Murphy couldn't. Murphy wasn't that good of a person to begin with, that wasn't going to change any time soon. Besides, just knowing Finn was going to be safe tomorrow was enough to make it worth it.

“You've got that right,” She huffed, still not believing Murphy.

“And because I love him.” They weren't exactly secretive about their relationship anymore, but it was still the first time Murphy had admitted it out loud to anyone other than Finn and it felt a little strange. It seemed he was just full of firsts today. Firsts, and lasts. “Tell him that, okay? Tell him I'm sorry and I love him and it's for the best.”

Raven stared hard at him for a moment and Murphy thought maybe she really was going to go for the wrench but then he posture relaxed and she sighed out, “Murphy-”

He cut her off, not wanting to hear he tell him she wouldn't. “Please, Raven, just please tell him. I need him to know, okay?”

“I'll tell him,” She gave in.

Murphy nodded and rubbed at his nose, it was time to go. He turned to leave but he was stopped by a hand on his arm. He raised an eyebrow at her questioningly. He had to hurry, before Finn woke up and noticed he was gone.

“Thank you, Murphy,” She said, sincerely. Finn meant a great deal to her, too, and the fact that Murphy was willing to sacrifice himself for him, well, it didn't make her like him, but it made her grateful.

“I'm not doing it for you.” Because of course his last words to everyone just had to reaffirm how much of a jackass he truly was. But Raven nodded and let go, so he figured he hadn't upset her. In another life he thought maybe they would have been friends, but he'd accidentally fucked that up before he'd even gotten a chance to purposely fuck it up.

“I know that.”

“Keep him safe for me.” Was all Murphy could ask. All he wanted was to know Finn would be safe.

“I will,” She promised.

Murphy nodded and left, not wanting to stick around any longer than he had to. The sooner he got this over with the better. He didn't take time to say goodbye to anyone else, he had no idea who would try to stop him and who wouldn't, so he left the camp without another word to anyone, only looking back once, to make sure no one was following him. He took a deep breath and pushed on towards the Grounders temporary camp.

The guards stopped him, demanding to know who he was and Murphy licked his lips before replying, “I'm the guy you want. The one who killed all the villagers.”

Within seconds of the words being out of his mouth he found himself pinned to the dirt, a rough rope binding his wrists behind his back. The Grounders haul him up off the ground and force him to march towards a tent, and after a quick conversation in the rough language they spoke that Murphy had never bothered to learn, he was shoved inside to meet the commander.

Murphy hadn't met her before, but he didn't care to be friendly now and he told her exactly what he'd told the guards. He was the shooter, he'd come to turn himself in.

“Why?” She asked, looking down at him.

He shrugged and said, “I couldn't just let you attack my people. I'm not worth all their lives.” It was complete bullshit but she seemed to buy it.

He was silent as she informed him his execution would be at sundown, death by a thousand cuts. He didn't fight as the guards led him away. It wasn't the first time he'd been in Grounder captivity, it felt like routine by now. He knew what was coming wouldn't be pleasant, he knew it would hurt and he'd end up begging for death by the end of it, but he didn't care. Finn would be safe and that was all that mattered to him.

Sundown came quicker than Murphy anticipated, but that was alright. He'd already made peace with what was going to happen and he'd spent the day reliving last night. The guards collected him and led him to a wooden pole and tied him there. He took a deep breath and stared straight ahead while the commander spoke, addressing her people. He wasn't afraid. He was protecting Finn, he could finally give Finn something back, something in return for loving him even though he'd never done anything to deserve it.

The first cut hurt like hell but he grit his teeth, refusing to cry out. He knew he wouldn't hold out until the last one, he knew he'd break long before then, but he also knew that somewhere Finn was watching, probably begging for someone to stop it, but no one would. Raven had promised she wouldn't let Finn come after him, and nobody in camp cared enough. He would die tonight. He would die, but Finn would live, and that made it worth it.

He held out until the thirteenth cut, a deep slice along his ribcage that had him crying out in pain. He hated himself for it, he knew how much it would hurt Finn to hear it, but he couldn't hold out any longer. He passed out around the hundredth cut and but they woke him up, splashing water on him until he woke, gasping and in pain. He was groggy, but still alive, just barely, the only plus side was he had screamed himself hoarse long ago. Cut number one hundred sixty-two was the one that did him in, or rather, it was a combination of all of them, but that's how far he made it before the blood loss caught up to him.

As the Grounders signaled Murphy's death, Finn fell against Raven, who'd been holding onto him long before, trying to be of some comfort to him. “Murphy!” He screamed, hoping it was just a joke or a bad dream but Murphy didn't reply. He was gone. He had died and Finn lived and it wasn't fair but it was reality and now he had to keep living without Murphy because Murphy had sacrificed himself for him and Finn hated it. He hated it and the Grounders and the Earth and he screamed himself hoarse but it changed nothing. Murphy was still gone and Finn wasn't sure how to cope with that.

Murphy was gone and it was all his fault.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I can be found here [assholemurphy](http://assholemurphy.tumblr.com/)


End file.
